


Inspired By You

by FanGirlyGlee



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Apologies, Getting Back Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 12:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19334944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanGirlyGlee/pseuds/FanGirlyGlee
Summary: Ray found something in one of Rebecca Silver's books that upsets him that leads to a confrontation and a long overdue conversation.





	Inspired By You

**Author's Note:**

> I divided up some sections due to shifting POV and a flashback.

Ray attempted to act disinterested as Zari set aside her book and started up the video game console.  “Hey if you’re done reading that…”

She nodded while her saved game loaded. “Be my guest.  You lose your copy?”

“Yeah, uh, dropped it in the tub.”

xxx

_She put a finger to his lips, shaking her head enough to cause the jeweled fringe of her veil to make a tinkling sound.  “Don’t make excuses, Buck.  A courtesan meets every kind of man eventually.  I swear on my life that you are not a bad one.”  She looked away, seemingly embarrassed. “You must think me foolish to speak of a thing like love.”_

_Buck couldn’t resist a moment longer.  He pulled Shar-la close, feeling her breath warm against his neck.  “If you’re a fool, then so am I.  If things were different – if there were time…”_

_“We shall make time,” Shar-la replied with conviction.  “A day with you fills my heart with enough joy to last a year.  Won’t you tell me what I can do to make you happy?”_

_“You’ve given so much already.  I wouldn’t dare ask for more.”_

_She covered his mouth with her delicate hand.  “This is desire, not obligation.  I want you – just as you are.”  She continued speaking softly as she removed her gown.  “I want to lie beside you, touch you, show you how good you can feel with someone who cares for you.”_

“Sonofabitch!” 

Ray’s explosive outburst caused Zari to drop her game controller.  Momentarily stunned, she watched as Ray leapt to his feet and started off down the hall.  A second later she followed, unsure if she had missed some indication that the timeline was in immediate danger.  As soon as Ray made it to the kitchen, he hurled the book he’d been holding inside.

Mick yelped in surprise.  “Ow! What the hell, Haircut?” 

Ray looked furious.  “I suppose you think this is funny?” 

“What are you…”    

“I first found out you had written a book when you left a couple mustard stained publisher’s rejections in your laundry basket.  I didn’t say anything, because I’ve always respected your privacy.  Then you use that diary to save the day and Z explained that you’re an “artist”.  The next thing I know everybody’s talking about Rebecca Silver and giving you knowing looks.  I wondered if maybe you thought I’m so boring I wouldn’t like a good adventure romance.”

Zari was confused. She thought for sure that Mick had given Ray a copy of his first book like he had her, as well as Nate and Sara.  Ray’s tone was full of anger and hurt.  “Now I see why you didn’t want me to read your stories; because you were taking things I’ve said and using them in for your characters’ dialogue.”

The back of Mick’s neck reddened.  “I can explain.”

Ray grimaced.  “Don’t bother. The first time I thought it was probably a coincidence.  The second time I was flattered you’d been listening at all the day I was rambling on about safety in the kitchen.  But for you to take _those_ words – the ones I’d said to you - and put them in a story you didn’t ever think I’d see really hurts; like they didn’t mean anything to you.”  The tall man almost tripped over Zari making his exit.  She shot Mick a look.

“What the hell?”

“I messed up,” he replied regretfully.

Xxx

Unable to finish his sandwich, Mick pushed it over to Zari. “Turkey ham,” he muttered not making eye contact.

She took a bite.  “Mm mmf, banana peppers?”

“Yeah.”

Zari swallowed and grabbed a napkin to clean up excess mayo.  “Did you really not think he would like your stuff because it was romantic?  Remember that time you picked up his tablet, thinking it was yours?  You found something called “Victorian Lust” and snickered about it all day.”

He snorted lightly.  “Turns out that’s a porno.  Even his porn is nerdy.”

“So about what Ray said…”

“I didn’t mean to at first.  I’d be writing and something I’d heard once would pop into my head; harmless stuff.  Sometimes things Haircut says just _fits_.  I re-wrote the bit he’s mad about over and over, but couldn’t come up with anything better than what he’d said once.”

Cringing, Zari kicked at his foot under the table.  “You owe him an apology.”

“I know, but what am I supposed to say?  My bad doesn’t exactly cover it.”

“I’ve never seen him so upset,” she acknowledged.  “How come he was the last to know about your writing?”

Clearly uncomfortable, Mick tried to shift blame.  “Didn’t think he’d care.  He’s always got his own stuff goin’ on.  Look, a long while ago when neither of us was doin’ good, Haircut needed someone and I was missing my partner.  We ended up spending time together. Then he rebuilt his suit, Pretty joined the team and he didn’t need me anymore.”

Zari frowned.  “You know, that’s what I used to tell myself when I was lonely – that it was better I wasn’t around people; I didn’t need them, and they didn’t want me anyway.  It’s an excuse.”

Mick’s eyes closed as he heaved a sigh.  “I’ll figure out a way to make it right.”

Xxx

_A long time ago before Beebo …_

Mick didn’t remember how much he’d had to drink that day, but it was undoubtedly too much.  Back then he needed something to keep himself numb and ward off the nightmares.  The armor he’d worn as Chronos was gone and his skin wasn’t nearly thick enough to keep him safe from the outside world or the demons within.  Amaya had called the anger inside him his animal, and said he was strong enough not to let it rule him.  He wanted to believe her so badly; needed to find some way back to something that felt like normal again.  Some stuff about his new self was good, like being able to fly the ship if he had to.  That meant he could get away if he had too; if he had anywhere else to go.  Besides, Haircut needed him, or maybe just someone, but there didn’t seem to be any other volunteers.    

It wasn’t like Mick was oblivious to the fact that he needed Ray.  He was lost the second he touched Ray’s wrist and begged him for a cure to the zombie virus.  At that moment he recalled an incident where Chronos had finished with one of Declan’s _treatments_.  He was slow to get up off the table and caught sight of the med tech taking off her rubber gloves.  He was suddenly keenly aware of how long it had been since someone had touched him.   Staring at her hand, “Please,” fell from his lips before he could stop it.

“What was that, Chronos?”

The mask slammed down, hiding the terror in his eyes.  “Nothing of consequence to report.  I will return to duty.”

Since that flashback he’d become fascinated with Ray’s hands; the way they worked with tools, twirled silverware, dried the dishes.  Eventually he couldn’t stand it any longer and snatched Ray’s left hand, only to drop it as if it had caused him pain.    He froze in place, heart racing, when Ray said, “It’s okay, Mick.  You can hold my hand if you want; hug me or whatever.”

“Why’re you bein’ so nice after I yelled?” The shrug and smile he got in reply made his heart ache.

“To be fair, I did almost blast myself in the foot.  But I’m finally rebuilding the cold gun, and I think we gathered enough of the dwarf star alloy to rebuild my suit.  Thank you, for helping me out when I wasn’t feeling very good about myself.”

Ray held out his hand, and Mick eyed it warily.  “You think I’m the kind of guy who’d take it out in trade?” 

“No, and that’s not what this is about.  You’re allowed to want things, you know.”

Mick watched Ray’s eyes flutter for a moment before, grabbing him by the back of the neck and kissing him soundly. He couldn’t believe how right it felt; more than anything had in so long.  The unexpected softness of Ray’s lips distracted him from his rising panic.  He couldn’t worry about what all this meant while trying to concentrate on not biting the other man’s tongue.   He paused for breath and enjoyed the tickle of the other man’s stubble on his neck.  “You feel so good, Mick.  Please don’t think I’d do this out because I felt I owed you.  This is pure desire.”

Mick tugged up the hem of Ray’s shirt and stripped off his gloves.   “Wanna touch you.”

“I’d like that very much.  I want to touch you too.  I wish I had a big bed so I could lay you down and kiss you all over, but it doesn’t matter where we are as long as we can enjoy this time together.”

They stood wrapped up in each other’s arms for what seemed like ages.  He wanted the kissing to go on forever.  But of course, Ray probably had expectations for what would happen next, and Mick couldn’t just tell him that he didn’t know what he was doing.  The fear seized him, and in one sweeping motion he pushed Ray away and took a giant step backward.  “No!” he shouted.  “We can’t.  I can’t.  I…I can’t do this.”

Ray was understandably shocked.  “Hey-what’s wrong? Talk to me, Mick.  I’m sorry if I went too fast.”

Retrieving his gloves from the floor, Mick quickly covered his trembling fingers.  “We just can’t.  I shouldn’t have tried.”  He continued mumbling to himself as he fled, never to approach the subject again, or let Ray bring it up.  The nightmares got worse, and then the hallucinations began. 

Xxx

After giving Ray time to cool off, Mick approached the other man’s quarters, his stomach in knots.  “Haircut?  Can we talk? I brought cookies.”  The door opened, but Ray didn’t look up from his 3D castle puzzle.  “They’re snickerdoodles,” Mick informed him.  “It’s Ava’s recipe, but I used almond flour so I dunno if they’re still as good.”

The corner of Ray’s mouth twitched.  “You made cookies for me? I didn’t know you baked.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know, because uh, I guess because we haven’t caught up in a while.  We could do that now if you want, or I could leave in case you’re still mad – which you have every right to be. Look do you want a cookie or not?”

Sighing, Ray got up out of the chair and motioned for Mick to sit.  He grabbed the container and sat on his bed.  “You said you could explain. I’m listening.”

“It took me a long time to figure out what -who- I was, but it seems like as long as I can remember you’ve been standin’ right there tryin’ ta tell me that I had _value._ ”  Mick swallowed hard.  

“You seem to be doing pretty well these days,” Ray observed, nibbling on a cookie. 

“I’m finally doin’ all right, I guess. It helps to have friends, even when my stupid brain said I didn’t need ‘em. You were right.  I shouldn’t have taken your words without asking you,” Mick admitted. “I just couldn’t get it out of my head.  I wanted the reader to feel like I did when you…”  He had to pause to compose himself.  “I shouldn’t have kissed you back then because I wasn’t ready for that, though I guess I wanted to be.   I think about that night a lot; the things I wished I could have said.”

Ray smiled. “Well, like you said, you weren’t ready. Apology accepted.  I like your books, you know.  What upset me the most is that  I thought maybe you used those particular phrases because you didn’t think that I meant what I said; that you thought it was a line I’d used before to get someone into bed.”

Mick’s lip curled slightly.  “You think I’d fall for a pick up line, Haircut?”

“Well, I am pretty charming.”

Mick chuckled.  “Humble too.  Would having your own set of Rebecca Silver paperbacks help smooth things over?”

 “I’d like that.  I was also wondering if maybe I could make you dinner sometime, like I used to?” 

Mick’s breath caught as Ray’s voice dropped to a whisper.  “As long as you don’t slip in any funny green stuff.” 

“I’ll let you make the salad then.” 

“I can do that.”

 

A week or so later, at a table set for two, Mick reached across the table and offered his bared hand to Ray, who gave it a squeeze as he rubbed his thumb over weathered knuckles. 


End file.
